In therapy, people often learn that feeling attached to certain outcomes can lead to hardship. You're so focused on one thing that you're devastated if it doesn't occur, and you may also miss other opportunities in this meantime. When you're divorcing, it's easy to feel attached to certain outcomes. The problem with feeling this way, however, is that the proceedings can take twists and turns that you don't expect, leaving you feeling worse than you might otherwise feel. Veteran divorce law attorneys will caution you against becoming attached to certain outcomes, including the following.
Feeling As Though You've "Won"
Some people feel as though they need to "win" the divorce in some manner, even though most people would suggest that there are really no winners in a divorce. Winning can take several forms in your mind — you might want to get more of the assets than your spouse, or end up with a favorable alimony or child support scenario. Being attached to winning can make the outcome of a divorce devastating if you don't feel as though you've "won," while it can also extend the entire process.
Being Done By A Certain Date
It's understandable for you to want to wrap up your divorce by a certain date so that you can move forward with your life. Your divorce attorney may even give you a prediction as to how long your divorce will take, given the specifics of your situation. However, you should stop shy of being attached to a conclusion by a certain date — and you should definitely avoid planning any major changes with this date in mind, such as moving in with someone else or going on a vacation. Sometimes, the proceedings can take longer for unexpected reasons, and you'll be setting yourself up for disappointment by being attached to a certain date.
Going Through Everything Amicably
You might have a goal of keeping your divorce amicable, and there are lots of reasons why the average person would feel this way. You should be wary of being too attached to this desired outcome, however. Divorces that stay amicable for a period of time can often get contentious, especially if one party feels as though the other party is trying to take advantage of him or her. The situation turning contentious is bad enough on its own, but if you were highly attached to an amicable process, it might feel even worse.